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At first it was that I kept seeing you everywhere. Every single tall-ish girl with blonde hair with like brownish streaks in them. I'd think it was you. I'd see you everywhere I looked and then I'd wokan this awful panicky feeling all over. Then it was other things.
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A movie we'd watched together, songs we listened to together, they'd all give me the same bottomless feeling of sorrow. It'd happen unexpectedly sometimes.
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Like one time, near the end of the workday, this 40 something female patient was checking out of the office at my desk and she was wearing the same perfume you used to wear. I'd recognize it anywhere. And after I checked her out I had to go in the bathroom and like hyperventilate for like 15 minutes.
Then I was driving to work one morning, listening to a college radio station and the DJ played Sparks No. I thought it was you doing the programming. Then I started listening to the mix playlist you made me over and over to try to desensitize myself to Beautiufl agony. And that didn't work either.
I'd go for long walks listening to it and then I'd start crying, my eyes were like a sieve, they'd just start streaming down my face like it was leaking. And you know me, I'm not really much of a crier.
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One night I frantiy searched through the whole upstairs looking for all Women want sex Carmel cards we ever gave Beautiful older woman seeking orgasm Mesa Arizona other on holidays. And I found most of them. And just thousand yard stared for a long time afterward like I'd just gotten out of or something. For a long time I couldn't even go to Evanston for any reason because it brought me down so low. Then the dreams started and increased in frequency until now it's like every other night.
So yeah, I still love you. But I have to change it.
Because I love you so much. I feel like the girl in The Last Mistress. It's a deep, embedded passion that I that I thought I could turn off but it's hopeless.
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When two hearts have torn away? Or does it go on? The answer is a resounding yes. At least for real love.
Just look at the content of this. I feel like a sap lunatic writing it right now but sometimes the only way to express this type of feeling is weirdo stalker sounding sap.
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